


Happiness Without Followup Questions

by Bandom_Squirrel



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), Feelings, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:07:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25026682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bandom_Squirrel/pseuds/Bandom_Squirrel
Summary: Dan is having a hard time accepting that he is happy. A late-night chat with Phil’s mum might be all he needs.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	Happiness Without Followup Questions

Dan couldn’t sleep. That wasn’t exactly out of the ordinary for him. There were always thoughts swarming around in his head, pushing questions about the universe and his place in it. There were the dark ones, telling him he was nothing, and the simply annoying ones, asking questions that there weren’t answers to. Enough to stop him from sleeping until he was simply too exhausted to keep being awake. 

What was out of the ordinary was that even cuddled up to Phil’s side, he still couldn’t sleep. Usually his boyfriend’s presence was enough to comfort his mind enough for sleep to come easily, allowing him to spend the few nights that had together peacefully. But this time the worries were just as strong, just different. Less dark, but more confusing, as happiness was an emotion he was still getting used to experiencing on a regular basis.

Sighing, Dan accepted that he wasn’t going to fall asleep anytime soon and detached himself from Phil’s side, climbing out of bed and heading for the bedroom door. Maybe getting a drink of water would help soothe his mind, at least until Phil woke up and he could find it in himself to accept happiness without asking followup questions. 

Dan was just a few steps out of Phil’s bedroom when he saw a silhouette in the hallway a few meters away. Immediately he froze, his mind momentarily jumping to ghosts and monsters before his coming to his senses. Perhaps then he was even more nervous, because he quickly realized that the figure was not a monster, but Phil’s mum. 

Dan immediately blushed, and was glad that it would definitely be too dark to see that. Some part of his brain technically knew that Phil’s mum must know that he and Phil were sleeping together, but there was a difference between her theoretically knowing about it and seeing him leave Phil’s bedroom in the middle of the night in just his underwear with a hickey on his chest. Not that the hickey was visible in the dim lighting, which Dan was incredibly grateful for. 

“Dan?” Phil’s mum asked, and Dan realized that he’d just been standing there for a few seconds. His cheeks heated up even further, but he managed to smile. Phil was close to his mum, a lot closer than Dan was to his own, and he wanted her to like him. 

“Oh, hi Mrs. Lester,” Dan replied, trying his best to sound friendly. He’d always been awkward around people, the only exception really being Phil, and even then it took a few months of knowing him. This was no different, it seemed. 

“I’ve told you, you can call me Kath,” Phil’s mum reminded him, and Dan clearly saw not for the first time that Phil’s family was so much different from his. Maybe it was what family should feel like, even if it wasn’t what his family ever had. Part of Dan felt guilty for the instant wave of jealousy that came with the realization. He loved his family, he really did, but he couldn’t help but sometimes wish his parents were more like Phil’s. 

“Okay, Kath,” Dan said, feeling immensely gratified by how Kath smiled at that. “I was just a bit thirsty, and I was going to get a drink of water.”

“Well, I can make you a cup of tea if you’d like. Decaf, so you don’t stay up all night,” Kath offered. “I was having some trouble sleeping, and I wanted to talk to you anyways.” Those words sent an instinctive spike of fear through Dan’s chest. Of course there would be something wrong. She was probably going to realize he was a failure, or maybe she already had, and wouldn’t let him see Phil. Even as the thought occurred to him, he knew it was irrational, but he couldn’t help but be a bit on edge. 

“That would be lovely,” Dan agreed, endlessly proud at how he was able to keep his voice from shaking as he spoke. Kath smiled, and it didn’t seem like an ‘about to take away the best part of your life’ smile, so Dan tried to let himself relax. 

A few minutes later, they were seated at a table in the kitchen, each of them holding a cup of tea. Dan felt a bit awkward being in just his boxers at this point, but at least Kath hadn’t commented on it. Or on the hickey that she could most definitely see with the kitchen light on. Thank god for small miracles. 

“So Dan, how are you?” Kath asked, and a burst of anxiety sparked in Dan’s chest. Some part of him felt like he was being interrogated, as polite and well-intentioned as the question was, and he felt pressured to answer correctly. He couldn’t let his nerves show, he needed to make a good impression. 

“I’m good, thank you,” Dan answered politely, smiling tightly before taking a small sip of his tea. It seemed to be the right answer, even if it didn’t completely line up with him being wide awake at four in the morning. 

“Phil really likes you, you know,” Kath stated casually, as if that confirmation didn’t make Dan’s heart glow and a grin overtake his face before he could help it. Blushing, he looked down at his mug, hoping it would help to hide how smitten he was.

“I really like him,” Dan responded, looking back up to see Kath looking at him intently. It struck him then how similar she was to Phil, which made sense but still felt odd. She was smiling in a manner that Dan couldn’t quite read, but he figured any kind of smiling was a good sign.

“I’m glad. You’re a good boy, Dan,” Kath told him, and Dan wondered how this could be going so well. Nothing ever went this well for him, and he was sure that if he was going to get something as amazing as Phil, there had to be a downside. But this wasn’t going at all horribly. “You know, I can always tell when Phil really likes someone by how he talks about them, but it’s never been quite to the level that it is with you. You’re all he’s talked about for months.”

“Really?” Dan blushed reflexively, and he could just imagine Phil excitedly telling his mum all about their conversations. The thought made his heart feel like it was glowing, and his cheeks already hurt from trying to repress a smile. “Well, he’s all I’ve thought about for months, I guess.” 

“How are things going between you two?” Kath asked gently. “A long-distance relationship has to be difficult, even if Phil likes to pretend otherwise.” That was something Dan had experienced himself. Phil always tried to be the strong one, pretending the Skype calls were enough for him when it was obvious that he longed for them to be physically together as much as Dan did. 

“Things are good,” Dan replied, and honestly, that was all he planned to say. However, something about the nurturing way Kath was looking at him made him open his mouth again. 

“Things are going really well, actually. I haven’t been this happy in ages. I think it’s because Phil is the first person who really understands me, you know? My parents never have, and definitely none of my friends at school ever did. But whenever I say something, Phil just gets it, and I feel like I get him too. Like, he sees who I really am, and he still likes me. Nobody’s ever done that with me before. And for the first time in years, I don’t hate myself all the time, because he says I’m a good person, and I trust him. More than I trust myself. And yeah, we’ve only been dating for a couple of months, but I’m already so far gone for him. So of course that terrifies me, because things never go right for me, and Phil is the most right thing there is for me, and I guess I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s just that this is all so new for me. I mean, it’s not like I’ve never been in love before, ‘cause I have, but it’s always felt wrong in the past. And until now I’ve assumed that it felt wrong because of the whole gay thing, but this doesn’t feel wrong. And Phil’s perfect, so being gay can’t be wrong if he’s gay, which is making me question everything I thought I knew. And this is all so stupid, because I know this is a good thing, and I’m happier than I’ve been in years, but I can’t stop questioning it. Plus, I didn’t want to say any of this to Phil, because I don’t want him to think he’s doing anything wrong, and I love him.” 

Dan paused then. He’d never said that he loved Phil out loud before, and he guessed he just said it twice. It wasn’t really until he found himself catching his breath that he realized he’d been rambling. 

“Sorry, I’m rambling, aren’t I? I just had a lot to get off my chest,” Dan apologized, blushing once again, although Kath didn’t seem upset, or even at all taken aback for that matter. 

“That’s alright, Dan,” Kath assured him, and she sounded so sincere that Dan was surprised that he didn’t start crying in the spot. “Feelings are confusing, especially when you’re as young as you are.“ She paused a moment, seeming to consider something before continuing. “I suggest that you talk to Phil about how you feel. It’s obvious how much you two care about each other, and I think that would really help both of you.”

“I know, I should, but it’s scary. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I don’t want to say the wrong thing and totally fu-uh, mess it all up,” Dan explained, his grip on his cup of tea tightening. 

“Dear, I know it’s scary, but I can’t imagine a possible scenario where anything you say could make Phil stop liking you,” Kath contradicted. “You’re very important to him.” The way that it was Phil’s mum saying that as if it were a well-known fact made Dan’s heart skip a beat, and he took a sip of his tea to hide his smile. 

“I think I’ll try. Maybe not right away, but sometime soon,” Dan decided, taking another sip of his tea. The idea still made him nervous, but part of him realized that if he had been able to say it to Phil’s mum, then he’d be able to say it to Phil. 

After their tea had been finished and goodnights had been exchanged, Dan was walking back to Phil’s bedroom, the exhaustion that came with being awake at four in the morning finally catching up to him. He slowly edged open the bedroom door, trying to be quiet as to not wake up Phil. That proved to be unnecessary, however, when he climbed into bed to have Phil wrap an arm around him. 

“Dan?” Phil mumbled sleepily, not even opening his eyes as he talked. Dan smiled softly and nestled himself against Phil’s chest, already feeling comforted by his boyfriend’s warmth. 

“Mhm,” Dan returned, voice a quiet whisper, closing his eyes and just basking in the feeling. Maybe he didn’t have to overthink any of this. Maybe this was finally the point when his life would change for the better. And as he slowly drifted off to sleep in Phil’s arms, Dan felt infinitely lighter than he had before.


End file.
